My mom and I worked on O's baby doll quilt this weekend, and it's almost finished! I cut the squares out about 3 months ago, and we are just getting back to it :) I was hoping we could be discreet and work on it while O played, but as soon as I pulled it out she came running and said "that's a kilt (quilt) ?" Then she had to help me sew, of course! I'm doing some token sewing in this picture. My mom sewed the vast majority of the quilt. I'm the cutter and designer :) I did sew at least one block, one row, and one side since I REALLY need the practice!
Chasing Cheerios
Monday, November 3, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tiny Turtle
A few weeks ago when O's grandma, Mem, and her cousin were visiting, we went outside to play on the beach. Before we knew it, the girls were in the water! The weather was HOT, but the water was cold! The girls were excited (and O was a little scared at 1st) to find this tiny turtle on the beach. He was so cute and tiny, and his shell was still soft, so he must have been brand new!
Edit to add : Oops! We went to the aquarium this weekend and saw softshell turtles. So this little guy is a softshell turtle. I guess I should have known that, but I had no idea that there was such a thing!
Our Pretty Princesses
O and M were beautiful flower girls in our cousin's wedding a few weeks ago. In this picture they are blowing bubbles and then chasing them. This is one of my favorite pictures from the wedding. I just wish that green cord wasn't in the picture!
Footprint Ghost Cards
I saw this on a blog somewhere recently (I have no idea where!), and thought it was a great idea :) I painted O's foot white and then pressed it onto the black construction paper. Once the ghost dried, we glued the googly eyes to the heel, and I wrote the message with a silver sharpie. I had O sign her name. I planned on her writing an O, but she insisted on writing and M (her version) for Mommy. Her M's are basically just a few lines. I said "Oh, it's an M," and O said "No, it's not. That's just lines! O not know how make M!"
Decorating Pumpkins with Stickers
We had lots of little pumpkins that needed decorating, so I thought O would have fun putting dot stickers on the pumpkins. She loves dots, but she was disappointed that there weren't any blue dots (blue is her favorite color). She was proud of her "smiley face," and we were, too!
Baking Pumpkin Bread
We are doing lots of Halloween activities today. Guh-guh and O love to bake pumpkin bread, and they are baking a yummy loaf right now! O loves to bake with Guh-guh :) I'm so glad that my mom likes to bake with her because I really don't like to bake (except for bread in my bread machine!).
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tracing and Coloring a Pumpkin
The idea to color a pumpkin with washable markers which O could then wash off came from A Bit of This and That. O had a great time tracing her pumpkin and then coloring it. I was sure that she would also love washing the pumpkin. I was wrong! She was proud of her pumpkin, and she refused to even consider washing it off. She said it "made mama feel better." She's constantly doing things and giving me things to make me feel better. I keep telling her that I'm not sick anymore, but she doesn't seem to believe me. I guess she's picking up on my sadness even though I'm trying really hard to put on a happy face :) She's a perceptive little monkey!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Leaf Rubbings
Yesterday afternoon, O, my mom, and I took a walk to look for leaves. She was so cute, and she'd pick up a leaf, look at it, and say "that one is too crunchy." She was so excited when my dad came to visit because we'd told her that he'd love to rub leaves with her. She showed him how to do it, and he was very impressed with the finished product. My mom and dad are holding the paper still for her in this picture. This was a fun and educational fall activity!
Lotuspad Yoga Mats for Kids...
are 50% off for this week only! I ordered one for O for Christmas last night. I wasn't planning on buying her anything else for Christmas, but I couldn't resist this deal, especially since the mats are PVC-free!
Update: Evidently Lotuspad was running low on the mats, so they ended the sale early. Sorry, everyone! Check the comments section for a comment from the owner of the site.
Update: Evidently Lotuspad was running low on the mats, so they ended the sale early. Sorry, everyone! Check the comments section for a comment from the owner of the site.
Homemade Playdough
O and I have been at my mom's house for the past week, so we haven't done any Montessori activities, but she has had a GREAT time playing with her cousin, M. Yesterday afternoon we decided to make homemade playdough using Laura's recipe. The girls had a fantastic time. They loved pouring in the ingredients and then mixing them with a spoon. My mom did the actual cooking of the playdough! While they played, M declared that this was "the BEST playdough ever!" I agree! The texture was perfect, and it smells so good. We added cinnamon and pumpkin pie spices to make it seasonal :) O really enjoyed making "duhkees" (cookies), and she and M both said they were making them for me to make me feel better. What sweet girls! Here is Laura's recipe (and you should check out her post because she has LOTS of good ideas for making "playdough of the month."
Homemade Playdough
1 c. flour
1/2 cup salt
1 T. cooking oil
1 T. cream of tartar
1 c. water
Food coloring of your choice
Add-ins of your choice (i.e. spices, extracts, glitter, etc.)
Stir ingredients together well. Just measure them into the saucepan you will be using to cook the dough, but mix them well before heating up the pan. Over medium heat cook the dough, stirring constantly until it forms a ball.
Let the playdough cool and then knead until it's smooth.
Thanks, Laura!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
"It's Playdoh Nime!"
O LOVES playdoh. Playing with playdoh is one her all time favorite activities. In fact, I can't think of anything (other than playing sick/nurse/hospital) that she enjoys playing with more than playdoh. In this picture you can see the little bowls that she requested that I make for her pizza. Then she wanted me to make napkins to sit the bowls on. We also made snakes, and she was pretending to be scared of the big snake in this picture. She gave the snake eyes, a nose, a mouth, and a big tongue! We don't play with playdoh every day at home, but my mom has a "playdoh cabinet" at O's level, so she can get all of the playdoh and accessories herself, so we play with it more often here. I'm definitely going to have to put her playdoh at home in an easily accessible place for her.
Cereal Box Puzzle
I blogged about the cereal box puzzles that I made for O a while back. I planned on introducing them to her within the next few days, so I put them somewhere safe and I've never seen them again :) I've looked everywhere, but I can't find them. So...when I saw a cereal box in my mom's trashcan (O and I are at my mom's house for the week), I decided to try again. O was excited (which surprised me, since she's not a huge puzzle fan). She did a good job and did the puzzle 3 or 4 times before she decided that it was "playdoh nime" (time)!
Update: I'm at home for the 1st time in a week, and obviously I was having a major case of pregnancy brain when I was looking for the cereal box puzzles. They were right there in the cabinet with everything else. They practically fell out on me when I was looking for the blender. Good grief!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Thank You
I am really astounded and thankful for all of the wonderful, thoughtful, and kind comments on my last post. I have to admit that I was hesistant to include so many painful, personal details on a public blog, but after reading the comments and realizing how many of you have had similar experiences, I am glad that I did. I want you to know that I read EVERY comment, and most of these comments have made me cry :) I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that thoughts of my baby exist in many hearts and minds other than my own. Even though my baby existed only for a very short time (and to many people he didn't exist at all), it helps to know that maybe someone other than Elliott and I will remember and think of him (I say him because I had 2 very realistic "boy" dreams while I was pregnant, so I feel that my baby was probably a boy). I guess that sounds silly, but I just don't want his life to be forgotten. So...thank you. Thank you so very, very much!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Our Story
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words. I decided to share our story via this blog for many reasons...to preserve the memories no matter how painful, as a catharsis for me, and to help others who have been or will be in a similar situation.
Today I should be 13 weeks pregnant, and I'm not. I couldn't wait to reach 12 weeks. I'd been so very sick, and I was convinced that once I hit the 12 week mark that the constant nausea would start to fade. I never doubted that my pregnancy was healthy because everyone always says that nausea is a sign of a healthy pregnancy, so I certainly felt like we were covered!
We had our 1st ultrasound on October 10 which was 1 day before I was 11 weeks pregnant. Elliott, O, my mom, and I were all very excited to finally see the 1st pictures of our new baby. There were even several people who were convinced that we would see twins. Within the 1st 15 seconds of the ultrasound, we knew something was wrong. The ultrasound tech, Lisa, was very quiet and looked concerned. She asked if I was sure of my due date, and I was VERY sure. She looked and looked, but did not see a baby. She did an internal ultrasound, and still she did not see a baby. During all of this, I was praying that we would suddenly see a baby who was just hiding somehow, and I really expected that to happen any second. She did another external ultrasound, and finally saw a very small baby that she measured to be at 6 weeks, 4 days. She did not see a heartbeat. Elliott and I knew this could not be since I'd taken a positive pregnancy test 7 weeks before. In my heart, I knew my baby was gone, but I kept coming up with crazy scenarios in my head as to why our baby would be measuring so small. A dr came and told us that either we had an unsuccessful pregnancy or our dates were off. They drew blood and told me to come back Monday, so they could draw more blood. They needed to compare the Hcg levels to see if they were dropping.
The rest of the day is really just a blur. We were on our way to stay with our brother-in-law for the weekend because O and my niece were flower girls in my cousin's wedding. Luckily, my mom and my sister were able to take the girls to the rehearsal, dinner, and to the church for pictures the next day, so that Elliott and I were able to just show up for the wedding and reception. It was really hard to go to the wedding, but it wasn't something we could miss. O and M were so proud to be flower girls, and they did a beautiful job. The bride was beautiful, I've never seen a groom glow the way my cousin was glowing :) O had the greatest time dancing the night away at the reception. She definitely didn't inherit her mama's shyness!
So...on Monday I went back to the dr for another blood test. O was proud to go with me and hold my hand so that I wouldn't be scared. She was very solemn and serious and held my hand very tightly while the nurse drew blood. I requested a prescription for fenergen for my constant nausea. I could handle it as long as I knew I was going to have a baby to hold in May, but once the promise of a baby was gone, the constant sickness was more than I could take. The fenergen took the edge off the nausea, but mostly it just made me tired, so I slept around the clock. This was probably a good thing. From Saturday night when we got home from the wedding until yesterday, I don't think I left my bedroom for anything other than a doctor's appointment or ultrasound.
We went back to the doctor on Wednesday to discuss the results of the blood tests. My levels had dropped, but they were still very high (I already knew this because I was slightly less nauseous, but still nauseous enough that I knew my levels were still high). The dr did another ultrasound, and the result was the same. This was devastating all over again because I'd held on to the hope that since I was still sick that maybe the ultrasound would somehow show a healthy baby. We still weren't ready to give up hope...
I went back to the dr for another blood test on Friday and then for another ultrasound on Monday. At this ultrasound, they couldn't even find the baby measuring 6 weeks, 4 days. There was just nothing. I wasn't surprised, but I was devastated. We knew it was over, and I needed it to be over. The waiting and hoping and the continuing pregnancy symptoms while knowing that there really was no hope were killing me. I wasn't able to be a good mama for O, and I was so glad that my mom stepped in and became "mama" for these 12 days. Elliott and I both decided that the best thing for both of us was for me to go ahead and have a d & c. I was so scared and sad, but I felt like we had to make this decision in order to begin to heal.
On Tuesday morning at about 6:20 Elliott, my sister, and I left for the hospital. My mom stayed at my house with O and my niece. The nurses, doctor, and hospital staff were all incredibly kind. I was completely knocked out for the procedure, and I am so thankful for that. I remember crying as they wheeled me back to the OR, and I was crying when I woke up. I was surprised and relieved that it was over. After resting at the hospital for a while, we went home. I was so relieved to be nausea free that I actually felt good for a little while. O makes me so happy that it is easy to forget this constant ache and emptiness in my heart for moments at a time. I don't want to be sad forever, but it is hard to imagine that this sadness won't be with me forever. I had no idea how hard this would and that I would actually feel a physical ache and emptiness in my heart. The word miscarriage is a word that I've come to hate. It seems to minimize this experience. This doesn't feel like a "miscarriage" to me. This is the death of our deeply loved and wanted baby who will be forever missed.
Thank you to all of our family and friends (IRL and online) who have supported us through this experience. A special thank you to my mom for stepping in and taking over and to my sister for coming to our house multiple times to distract us and entertain O and for going with us to the hospital to be with Elliott. He thought he'd be ok alone, but he is very grateful that you were there for him to talk to :) (and I know he talked your ear off!) Thank you to my MIL for getting a bag full of books for me from the library. That helped more than you can ever know. Thank you to my IRL friends and family for understanding that while I can't talk about this experience at all, it really helps to write about it and to have people who listen, care, and understand. Also, thank you to the mamas in the online mommy groups in which I am a member for sharing your stories and making me feel less alone.
Today I should be 13 weeks pregnant, and I'm not. I couldn't wait to reach 12 weeks. I'd been so very sick, and I was convinced that once I hit the 12 week mark that the constant nausea would start to fade. I never doubted that my pregnancy was healthy because everyone always says that nausea is a sign of a healthy pregnancy, so I certainly felt like we were covered!
We had our 1st ultrasound on October 10 which was 1 day before I was 11 weeks pregnant. Elliott, O, my mom, and I were all very excited to finally see the 1st pictures of our new baby. There were even several people who were convinced that we would see twins. Within the 1st 15 seconds of the ultrasound, we knew something was wrong. The ultrasound tech, Lisa, was very quiet and looked concerned. She asked if I was sure of my due date, and I was VERY sure. She looked and looked, but did not see a baby. She did an internal ultrasound, and still she did not see a baby. During all of this, I was praying that we would suddenly see a baby who was just hiding somehow, and I really expected that to happen any second. She did another external ultrasound, and finally saw a very small baby that she measured to be at 6 weeks, 4 days. She did not see a heartbeat. Elliott and I knew this could not be since I'd taken a positive pregnancy test 7 weeks before. In my heart, I knew my baby was gone, but I kept coming up with crazy scenarios in my head as to why our baby would be measuring so small. A dr came and told us that either we had an unsuccessful pregnancy or our dates were off. They drew blood and told me to come back Monday, so they could draw more blood. They needed to compare the Hcg levels to see if they were dropping.
The rest of the day is really just a blur. We were on our way to stay with our brother-in-law for the weekend because O and my niece were flower girls in my cousin's wedding. Luckily, my mom and my sister were able to take the girls to the rehearsal, dinner, and to the church for pictures the next day, so that Elliott and I were able to just show up for the wedding and reception. It was really hard to go to the wedding, but it wasn't something we could miss. O and M were so proud to be flower girls, and they did a beautiful job. The bride was beautiful, I've never seen a groom glow the way my cousin was glowing :) O had the greatest time dancing the night away at the reception. She definitely didn't inherit her mama's shyness!
So...on Monday I went back to the dr for another blood test. O was proud to go with me and hold my hand so that I wouldn't be scared. She was very solemn and serious and held my hand very tightly while the nurse drew blood. I requested a prescription for fenergen for my constant nausea. I could handle it as long as I knew I was going to have a baby to hold in May, but once the promise of a baby was gone, the constant sickness was more than I could take. The fenergen took the edge off the nausea, but mostly it just made me tired, so I slept around the clock. This was probably a good thing. From Saturday night when we got home from the wedding until yesterday, I don't think I left my bedroom for anything other than a doctor's appointment or ultrasound.
We went back to the doctor on Wednesday to discuss the results of the blood tests. My levels had dropped, but they were still very high (I already knew this because I was slightly less nauseous, but still nauseous enough that I knew my levels were still high). The dr did another ultrasound, and the result was the same. This was devastating all over again because I'd held on to the hope that since I was still sick that maybe the ultrasound would somehow show a healthy baby. We still weren't ready to give up hope...
I went back to the dr for another blood test on Friday and then for another ultrasound on Monday. At this ultrasound, they couldn't even find the baby measuring 6 weeks, 4 days. There was just nothing. I wasn't surprised, but I was devastated. We knew it was over, and I needed it to be over. The waiting and hoping and the continuing pregnancy symptoms while knowing that there really was no hope were killing me. I wasn't able to be a good mama for O, and I was so glad that my mom stepped in and became "mama" for these 12 days. Elliott and I both decided that the best thing for both of us was for me to go ahead and have a d & c. I was so scared and sad, but I felt like we had to make this decision in order to begin to heal.
On Tuesday morning at about 6:20 Elliott, my sister, and I left for the hospital. My mom stayed at my house with O and my niece. The nurses, doctor, and hospital staff were all incredibly kind. I was completely knocked out for the procedure, and I am so thankful for that. I remember crying as they wheeled me back to the OR, and I was crying when I woke up. I was surprised and relieved that it was over. After resting at the hospital for a while, we went home. I was so relieved to be nausea free that I actually felt good for a little while. O makes me so happy that it is easy to forget this constant ache and emptiness in my heart for moments at a time. I don't want to be sad forever, but it is hard to imagine that this sadness won't be with me forever. I had no idea how hard this would and that I would actually feel a physical ache and emptiness in my heart. The word miscarriage is a word that I've come to hate. It seems to minimize this experience. This doesn't feel like a "miscarriage" to me. This is the death of our deeply loved and wanted baby who will be forever missed.
Thank you to all of our family and friends (IRL and online) who have supported us through this experience. A special thank you to my mom for stepping in and taking over and to my sister for coming to our house multiple times to distract us and entertain O and for going with us to the hospital to be with Elliott. He thought he'd be ok alone, but he is very grateful that you were there for him to talk to :) (and I know he talked your ear off!) Thank you to my MIL for getting a bag full of books for me from the library. That helped more than you can ever know. Thank you to my IRL friends and family for understanding that while I can't talk about this experience at all, it really helps to write about it and to have people who listen, care, and understand. Also, thank you to the mamas in the online mommy groups in which I am a member for sharing your stories and making me feel less alone.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sometimes Life Gets in the Way...
I'll be gone for a while, but will probably be back sooner rather than later. Please pray for our family.
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