As a School Psychologist a huge part of my job is planning behavior and academic interventions for kids. However, when it comes to my own child, it is a little more difficult. Luckily, I work with some wonderful psychologists who are great at coming up with super simple interventions.
O has not been listening quickly for the last couple of months, and I've found myself repeating myself more often than I would like and counting to 3 to get her to listen. I really don't like counting to 3...it just gives her a reason to wait to listen instead of listening quickly. So, I asked my friend Jan for ideas...
To do this intervention, I gave O a piece of blue cardstock (blue is her favorite color). I explained to her that when she listened the FIRST time I asked her to do something, she would get a star on her paper. That's it. Simple and VERY effective.
O was very excited about her sheet. At first I gave her stars very frequently, but I didn't give them everytime she listened the first time because random reinforcement seems to work better than continuous. Also, I didn't want her to expect to get a star for listening...I worry about eroding the intrinsic motivation that comes from behaving nicely. However, I did want her to be excited about earning the stars in order to help her get back into the habit of listening quickly. So far this is really working. Here are a few important points of this intervention:
-She is not allowed to ask for a star (this was never an issue, but if it had been I planned to tell her that she would not get a star if she asked).
-I did not ask her to do something by saying "If you do ..., you'll get a star." The stars were like a fun surprise after she listened the first time...there was no convincing her to listen by promising a star.
-I did not take away stars when she didn't listen. I didn't mention the stars at all when she didn't listen.
-She doesn't earn anything once she fills the sheet up with stars other than the satisfaction of knowing that she did a great job and earned a sheet full of stars. (Elliott's first question was "what does she get for filling the sheet?") I didn't want this intervention to be about what she would get because I don't want to instill in her that she should "get" something for behaving appropriately. I just want to help her get back into the habit of quick listening.
So far this is working for us, and we're having fun (which is the most important thing). This turned out to be a pretty wordy post (for me!) for a simple intervention. Enjoy!
That's a good idea. I have the same problem. But now instead of just the 1 not listening to me, I have both toddlers completely ignoring me unless I am screaming like a banshee. It really does get frustrating. I might have to try this.
ReplyDeleteThis is a FANTASTIC idea! I'm buying stars tomorrow!!
ReplyDeleteI have a psychology background as well..and I hate pure behavior mod approaches. So I have not done any with my own child...then I finally gave into one. "Bee Beans". My son has been fascinated by the bees we recently got. One day he made his own bee hive by making holes into a small box.
ReplyDeleteWell I have been trying to think of ways to encourage him to remember to pee in the tolit (instead of in his undies) when he becomes so preoccupied with playing. So each time he pees in the tolit, he gets a bee bean. (it's just a dry garbanzo bean) and puts it into his beehive.
I liked the clarification points you made about your intervention, because the intrinsic motivation is what we want to focus on!
Thanks,
Vanessa
A good idea, I like that there is no reward at the end/it's not a star everytime.
ReplyDeleteI may need to try this, but maybe an 8 year old version?
ReplyDeleteDo you think this would work for children younger than yours? My two year is having some real issues with listening and doing what we ask.
ReplyDeleteAmelia is right there with O. GREAT plan. (blue is her favorite color too. )
ReplyDeletethanks, as always, for a great post.
What a great idea! I was just recently trying to think of a good way to get my son to listen better... I'll give this a whirl! Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHi Melissa, I have a suggestion, when the blue paper is filled up with stars, you can encouraged her to use the blue paper as sky and complete it with her drawing. Making it into an art work where she can hang it up and admire. Hope this helps.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate this post! Thank you, we will be trying this. I have been in the habit of counting to 3 and I don't like that I do that because of the same reasons you pointed out. I unfortunately have no background in psychology, so this post was a big help!
ReplyDeleteI think this is a GREAT idea. I do have a question though - you said you told her she would get a star EVERY TIME she obeyed first time you asked her, but then you said you give stars randomly, not every time... did she ask about this at all?
ReplyDeleteTara- Thanks for catching that! I didn't even realize I'd written that I'd told her I'd give her a star every time she listened. I don't remember exactly what I told her, but I sure that I didn't emphasize that she'd get a star EVERY time she listened the first time...if I had I'm sure she would have questioned me just give her stars randomly :)
ReplyDeleteI have been having a hard time with my son telling me to wait when I ask him to do something. I think he'd eat this idea up. Thanks!!
ReplyDeletethis would work for us! i love it - thanks for sharing!
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ReplyDeleteI love this post! I do insist that my girls obey me at once the first time that I give a command. I also, of course, try not to command too often! It's one of my pet peeves to be in a public place and have to experience a misbehaving child who is being permitted to linger in misbehavior while a parent counts on--not that children should be mindless automatons, because they shouldn't, but it isn't safe to permit a child to get into the habit of ignoring a command. Otherwise, god forbid that you have to give a command of "Stop immedately!" or "Walk quietly and calmly to momma right now."
ReplyDeleteAnyway, your big girl may, as my girls do, love to listen to you read "Little House in the Big Woods" and its sequels. In those books, one of the emphases is on how Laura and Mary must always obey their parents right away so that they stay safe. Lot of good teaching moments there.
I might try this with my two and a half year old. Quick question though - what do you do when out and about? Do you carry the stars with you or delay reinforcement until home? This is when I have the most problem. I teach special ed and have a pretty good repetoire of tricks, but it is still when out that seems to be most tricky.
ReplyDeleteI love this idea. I often forget that sometimes just the intrinsic reward is enough for kids. I would have tried to figure out a reward for filling up the paper. Thanks for a simple and helpful suggestion.
ReplyDeleteHi again...just wanted to let you know I started this today and it's working beautifully. Let's hope it continues!
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this! I've been complaining about how I have to bribe and threaten my way through a day with my almost 4 year old. I want him to listen to me simply because he's supposed to, but I haven't been able to figure out how to motivate him without bribing or threatening. The stars, along with positive reinforcement, will be my next attempt on my journey through parenthood...
ReplyDelete(Love your blog, by the way! Just discovered it!)
Thank you for sharing this! I have a "selective listener" who just turned 5. She's been beyond excited with her brother's potty training chart & stickers, so this will be great for her!
ReplyDeleteI am really looking forward to trying this with my poor listener when we get back from vacation! I linked on my weekly roundup - thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI do this with my 3 and 4 year old grandbabies. They put their stars on a calendar for the day - if it's been a great listening day. Sometimes I will give them several stars for the calendar and then a couple for the top of their hand, or their shirt, or wherever they want to put them. They love seeing the squares on the calendar fill up - and you really notice when there are no stars on one of the days. This can lead to "remember when I asked you to (.....) and you didn't listen? That is why there are no pretty stars on this one - but we are going to work on that a little harder tomorrow so we can put stars on the next date." As I look back through the months it is easy to track their progress - and even note if it's after weekends with dad, or certain other factors that you may not realize right away, that they don't listen as well.
ReplyDeleteAWESOME idea!! I love scouring the blog world for cool kid crafts and such (how I linked to you), but THIS is actually the info I NEED. I want my child to behave well without the promise of material goods. I am going to try this idea right away....please keep the ideas coming!
ReplyDeleteA kindergarten teacher's comment about counting to three. There's always somewhere to to with that, like "Did you hear me? Do you want me to get to four and then see what happens?" Try counting DOWN TO ONE instead. It gives you no where else to go, and children know when the gig is up.
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